


I'm With You 'Till The End Of The Line

by ahsim_ynnad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes-centric, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, One-Sided James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers - Freeform, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, i hurt myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 01:37:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20612810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahsim_ynnad/pseuds/ahsim_ynnad
Summary: The last words you say to your soulmate on hand.Bucky never told Steve what his words were...So you can imagine why it hurts every time Steve says them.But he can't bring himself to tell Steve to stop with the promise, no matter how afraid he is of Steve stopping.





	I'm With You 'Till The End Of The Line

_The words weren't supposed to matter. Not till the end of everything._

_And in Bucky's case, the end of the line..._

_Growing up, he always wondered what circumstances would enable his Soulmate to say those words..._

_Why would they say that... then die? _

_To Bucky it made no sense, what idiot says something like that... then dies._

_Either way, Bucky wouldn't find out, till after his words were spoken._

"It's stupid!" Steve slurred and Bucky nodded, while taking the rest of the bottle from his smaller friends hand- and with how drunk Steve was, he didn't notice, only continued on his tangent about how much Soul Words were the worst.

"No shit, pal." Bucky chuckled, and took a swing at the bottle

"I'm serious, Buck!" Steve pushed, and Bucky sat back, leaning against Steve's bedroom wall. They would've gotten drunk on the pier, but Bucky didn't want Steve out where the smog could further hurt his lungs. 

"Oh, I'm sure you are." Bucky said, and Steve playful shoved him, and Bucky made a show of falling off the small bed.

"I'm what the point of them? What if you spend your life with the wrong person and- and then- you find out- woopsie- wrong person? That's got to be the worst thing to happen-"

"Second worst." Bucky said and Steve frowned before throwing him a curious look. Bucky just smirked and got comfortable on the ground, laying next the bed, and Steve lolled over, and laid on his bed, and dropped his hand. And if Bucky was man enough, he could've easily held it.

"What's worse than spend your life with the wrong?" Steve asked, sounding tired, and Bucky let out a sigh.

"Not meeting anyone." Bucky said, knowing some workers on the dock had no one, no family, no loved ones, just the job.

After a moment, Bucky heard he bed creaking, causing him to open his eyes, and saw Steve on edge, holding out his hand.

"You got me, pal." Steve said, and Bucky smiled, before taking the out stretched hand.

"Lord- Steve, you're freezing!" Bucky cried out, before hopping up and grabbing another blanket for his friend.

"I'm fine-"

"Uh, huh." Bucky said, rolling his eyes, and Steve huffed. "That's gotta be the liquor talking', because your an icicle." Bucky said, and grabbed his friends hand and rubbed them, to generate heat, or something for the cold hands in between his.

"Wanna see 'em?" Steve asked, throwing Bucky for a loop, not knowing what the rascal was talking about.

"See what?" Bucky asked, as he got comfortable on the bed next to Steve, knowing Steve wouldn't be able to keep himself warm, even with the blankets.

"My Words." Steve said, and Bucky tensed.

"No, I think I'll have to pass, Stevie." He said after a moment, and Steve hummed.

"I just want to make sure you say the right ones, jerk." He said, before yawning, Bucky could speak, he was frozen at Steve's side, still wondering if Steve meant what Bucky was thinking he meant. "I'm guessing, I don't getta script either, huh?" Steve asked, and Bucky gulped, as Steve tucked himself under Bucky's arm. "Just don't want you to go... not without knowing." 

It wasn't the first time they had, cuddled, wasn't even the first time they had been tempted to reveal their words to each other... but it was the first time Steve had admitted to Bucky that he wanted them to be... 

It might have been because they were shipping people out, it might be because Steve was getting sicker and sicker by the days, and both of their time to together was running out, but Bucky gave in... not giving to shits about the myths, superstitions in that moment.

"I'm with you 'till the end of the line." Bucky revealed, heart pounding in his chest, not knowing what to expect.

"I'm with you too, Buck." Steve slurred, but before Bucky could clarify that those were his words, he heard Steve snoring.

He let out a humorless laugh, and shook his head, before calling it a night too, and relaxed as he fell asleep with Steve in his arms, he didn't forget to cherish the feel.

~-~

He didn't realize what that night would entail...

He didn't realize that he had messed fate, not until it started messing with him.

The first time, his heart had dropped like it weight a ton, and down the dirty ground they were sitting on. 

"You alright there, Buck?" Steve asked, and Bucky couldn't help but hug his friend.

He wanted to be mad, to yell at Steve for scaring him, but more than anything, wanted to hug him so tight that Steve wouldn't be able to leave.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, sounding a bit alarmed, but Bucky just let out a sigh of relief, and chuckled.

"Nothing punk, I'm just- I'm glad, you'll be with me." Bucky said, and bit back the urge to ask Steve what his Words were.

He also didn't tell Steve that, the words he had said just before he had a 'stroke' were his Soulmates Last Words. He probably should've, because that wasn't the last time Steve said them.

And each time Bucky would look around, for any danger, and hold Steve as firmly as he could. He cherish the moments, even if Steve thought he was being weird. But he couldn't risk that being the last time Steve uttered those words.

Not even if it meant Bucky suffered a mini heart attack each time.

~-~

And suffer he did.

He shouldn't have messed with it, because maybe if he hadn't, he wouldn't be this hurt that Steve kept distancing himself.

"Thank you, Buck." Steve said, before looking up at him, "But, I can get by on my own."

"The thing is," Bucky said, "You don't have to." setting his jaw, and looking back at Steve, Bucky reached and gripped him, by the shoulder. "I'm with you till the end of the line, Pal." He said, hoping it would get through to Steve.

Hoping Steve knew that was his 'I love you'.

Because, he did, even if Steve didn't love him the same way, Bucky loved Steve.

And if going on Double Dates was the only way to go on a date with Steve... then he'd have one last Double Date before he was shipped off.

~-~

While he was gone, he couldn't keep Steve off his mind. It was mostly worry... because, well, Steve was a handful, and no one would be there to watch out for the scrawny fella, and make sure he didn't run off and do something stupid. But other parts of Bucky knew that he still had time, he knew he'd Steve_ at least _one last time. even if it was just to simply say...

Either way, Bucky tried making it a day with out worrying about his friend... his soulmate.

He tried focusing on his company, his skill improvement, his training, his cadets, his work, the war. But even with all that, with all the chaos that surrounded his every movement, Steve was there, through out the day, especially on the cold lonely nights- those were the nights he would think the most of Steve, wondering if that's how Steve felt when he was sick- did he feel this cold? Did he feel this lonely without Bucky?

Sometimes he wondered if Steve was really his Soulmate- of course it was a no brainer, Steve was the only person Bucky could see a future with, platonic or not- but sometimes he regretted finding out, sometimes he regretted not telling Steve before he left, but ultimately decided that it was a good thing Steve was out on his own, and not worrying about Bucky... like Bucky was worrying about Steve.

It really was bad luck to tell others your words...

~-~

"AHHHH!" Bucky screamed, even with the damn thing in his mouth- he screamed as the pain increased.

"Höher." He heard them say, and at this point, Bucky could only guess it meant, again, or higher, because each time the damn mad scientist would yell that word, the other one would turn a dial.

He just wanted it to stop. 

He didn't know how long they had him strapped down for, but he knew it was too long- way too long.

~-~

"I don't even gotta clue what you're sayin', Pal!" Bucky screamed as they tried to instruct him to do something.

His voice was hoarse from screaming, and Bucky was honestly tired of going back and forth, from being injected like some strapped down guinea pig to being stuffed into a _literal _cage with a couple other men. 

He was exhausted, he hadn't expected this to happen, maybe get tortured for information, but not- not experimented on.

The only thing keeping him going, and keeping him hopeful of an escape, was the fact Steve's hadn't said his last words to him yet. Meaning, Bucky still had time.

So, he held in. Comforted the others, put himself in the spotlight, just so others would be spared, even if he suffered, it was worth it to know the others wouldn't experience the pain, wouldn't have to know what it felt like to get those- those- needles inject pure hell into them.

Sometimes, he couldn't remember where he was, sometimes he'd have to mumble to himself, just to remember he could. He would move his toes, because he couldn't move his strapped down legs. 

And that's how he was found, he didn't know how long he had been mumbling to himself incoherently. But when he was coming around to it, he saw Steve- even if the little fella wasn't so little anymore, it was still his Steve, and followed the bigger man, followed him even as his body screamed at him to take a second.

He followed Steve, questioned him a little, because he couldn't tell if it was just him being delusional.

Then... then Steve was an idiot- proving to Bucky, yep, that was him.

"There's got to be a rope or something!" Bucky yelled, as he held onto the railing, not caring much about how hot it was starting to get under neath his hands, instead, he focused on looking around for _something_\- _anything!_

"Just go!" Steve yelled back, but he couldn't, that wasn't even an option- he didn't escape, just for Steve to... to die now! "Get outta here!" Steve called out, as the building kept clasping around them.

"No!" He refused to leave Steve. "Not with out you!" He shouted, shooting Steve a determined face.

He wasn't about to lose his best friend.

~-~

"Pretty sure, you aren't really a Captain yet, Stevie." Bucky back talked, as Steve tried pulling rank. He saw his friends' lip tug even as he tried to look mad.

It was surreal to look at Steve nowadays. 

His face was almost the same, his expressions certainly were, but... but his everything else. It wasn't bad, not in the slightest, but Bucky missed the small punk he had to cook chicken soup for.

Now... now Steve was more than capable of taking care of himself. Which was great, he was healthy, he could run faster, see all sorts of colors, see far beyond even Buckys scope at times... 

But he didn't need Bucky no more. 

And every second they traveled back to base- 

He couldn't.

~-~

Bucky sat on the other end of the bar, watching as Steve asked the other to join him on another mission.

He couldn't help but smile at how easily they welcomed Steve as a leader, without know ing him long, yet... they'd follow him into another battle.

He could see Steve coming towards him, with a small smile on his face. 

"See, told you!" Bucky called out, and spun in his seat as Steve got closer, so they could take a seat at the table near Bucky. "They're all idiots" He joked.

"How 'bout you?" Steve asked, and Bucky glanced up at him, "Ready to follow Captain America, into the jaws of death?" He asked dramatically.

"Hell no." Bucky answered quickly, "Little guy from brooklyn, that was to dumb enough not to run away from a fight" He muttered under his breath, and looked at Steve,"I'm following him." Then leaned towards the his friend and teased, "But, yore keeping the outfit right?" casing Steve to sigh briefly.

"You know what?" He said giving Bucky a smile. "It's kinda growing on me." 

Bucky saw Steve straighten up, just as they both caught a glimpse of a beautiful dame in a red dress. He followed as Steve stood up, and turned to face her.

"Captain." She said, making her accent known.

"Agent Carter." Bucky couldn't help but check her out as she walked towards Steve, but stopped when she gave him pointed look.

"Ma'am." He greeted, after moment of correcting himself, but was ignored, barely given a glance as she addressed Steve.

"Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow at 8?" 

"Sounds good?" Bucky felt awkward as they eyed each other.

"I see your top squad is prepping for Tuesday?" She joked- as most brits apparently did blandly.

"You don't like music?" Bucky questioned.

"I do actually." She answered, not even glancing at Bucky, and why would she, Steve was sight to behold. "I might even, when this is all over, go dancing." And the way she said it... the way Steve's eyes glistened with hope.

"Then what are we waiting for." Look at him, not Steve!

"The right partner!" She said, again not taking her eyes off the Steve.

And Steve didn't break the gaze either... leaving Bucky staring at the two... watching them make puppy dog eyes at each other. 

Bucky couldn't help but feel his heart drop, knowing how Steve felt about 'the right partner'. He never understood it, but no matter how many times Bucky asked Steve to dance, it was always a no, and he understood 'right partner and all'- but the thing was...

He _was_ the right partner for fuck sakes!

She said something, Bucky's sure of it, but he doesn't catch it, not when he was trying to catch Steve's gaze.

"Yes Ma'am, I'll be there." Steve said, in an eager voice, making Bucky wonder what she had arranged, as he watched her walk away.

"I'm invisible." Bucky muttered, and turned to Steve, "I'm-I'm turning into you." He let out a chuckle, and recalled how they looked at each other, "It's a horrible dream."

"Don't take it so hard." Steve said, as he turned and patted his hand on Bucky's shoulder, before chuckling. "Maybe she's gotta friend." He offered, and Bucky gulped, but let out a chuckle, not wanting to explain that wasn't what he wanted.

~-~

He thought of telling Steve.

Thought of telling Steve that he was sure they were Soulmates.

Especially when he had to watch Steve fall for Peggy- who was perfect, and everything anyone could wish for. It was no competition, between him and Peggy.

So, he took what he got. 

And that was months of missions together, occasionally Peggy would come, those were the ones Bucky had the worst nightmares. 

When he'd wake up cold, and feel so alone. Because, when Peggy was there, Steve and her would stay up late by a fire, or a light, and talk until they _had_ to sleep. And when she wasn't, Steve would lay close to Bucky, and heat up Bucky like he used to do for Steve.

He got used to it. Really, that's all he could do.

He couldn't say anything, they were both to head over heels for anything to matter.

So he watched, and supported as his best friend felling love with someone else, which was ironic. Because they had both completely their worst fears.

Steve was gone with someone that wasn't his soulmate, and wouldn't find out till one of them were six feet under...

And.. And, Bucky didn't have no one... not the way he wanted.

~-~

"Hang on!" Steve yelled, as if that wasn't obvious, "Grab my hand!" 

Bucky tried, he had really tried. But the moment he tried to swing to grab Steve's hand-

He fell.

He was falling.

He was screaming.

He could see the train continue on as he went into a free fall.

~-~

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Getting kidnapped, and tortured, and brain washed, and all of it over and over again...

It didn't compare to watching Steve choose Peggy again.

He hadn't expected it. But he knew the serum made Steve more stubborn, and didn't put it past him.

Didn't put it past Steve to return his 'Soulmate'. Because, as for as Steve was concerned, this was his chance to reunite with... with the love of his life.

And as understanding as Bucky was. He he was also drained, emotionally drained.

He had thought they were getting somewhere, with all the chaos that had ensued, with everything finally making sense- _with him returning after 5 fucking years._

Yet, here he was, staring at Sam talking to an old Steve. His Steve.

And he knew- he just knew Steve was aware Peggy wasn't his Soulmate.

But it was too late.

He had loved all his life, dedicated his to someone else- bended time, to love _someone else_.

~-~

He bring himself to speak to Steve.

He couldn't even think of what he'd say.

What could he say?

He wondered, for the first time, what_ were_ Steve's Words?

He never thought that, he never bothered to think of why Steve couldn't see Bucky saying them to him.

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Bucky couldn't remember why he thought it was a good idea.

Couldn't remember why he thought he could face Steve without breaking.

Yet, he was here, breaking.

"You said you wouldn't do anything stupid." Bucky said, voice cracking as he did, and Steve went to say something, but Bucky couldn't.

He couldn't, afraid of his last words being said.

"You know," He said sniffling a little in-between talking, "Sam told me that you used to see Peggy," He couldn't look up at Steve. Couldn't bring himself to do it. "Come see her, up until the end." He said, clearing his throat, then looked up at his friend, who had changed so much for the second time in Bucky's life. "Do ya think I get a chance to go back in time, too?" Bucky asked, trying to joke, but knew that's what he wished for in that moment.

That's all he wanted, more time.

He just wanted more time. 

"I'm sorry, Buck-"

"Did ya ever get that dance?" Bucky asked, remembering all those nights he had asked Steve about the importance of the 'right partner'.

"Yeah." Steve croaked, and held out his hand.

"Do you feel stupid?" Bucky asked, voice breaking throughout his question, remembering the night he first revealed his Words.

"A little." Steve answered, eyeing him. "But, I got to figure out which one was worse." Steve said, and Bucky shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"I met you." Bucky said, and Steve hummed in question, prompting Bucky lean forward in his seat. "I was afraid of never meeting anyone." Bucky clarified. "I meet you. I knew you- I had you." Bucky said, and Steve smiled, before Bucky took the out stretched hand. "You're still cold." He said, but held his friends hand nonetheless.

"Wanna see 'em?" Steve asked, as Bucky got comfortable on the bed next to Steve, like the good ol' days.

"Guess I should make sure you say the right ones." Bucky said, and watched as Steve slowly brought up his hand, only shaking a little. Bucky did the say, and pulled up his sleeve.

"Huh." Was all Bucky could do as he read Steve's arm before he let out a humorless laugh, and shook his head.

"I love you too, pal." Steve said, giving Bucky's heart a shock, because after all these years, he finally knew, for sure, that- yes- Steve understood Bucky's Words were his way of saying I love you.

He also knew he had a little more time...

He might not be able to grow old with Steve, but he'll be damned if he could spend the rest of Steve's life with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there's any spelling errors or grammatical errors
> 
> but I spent the majority of the last hour speeding writing this through my bawling eyes- like i was hella crying.
> 
> because man- they really did Steve dirty in Endgame and even more Bucky, like man Steve left him AGAIN after fighting for him, like really? the first chance you get, you leave Bucky?? Why could he come with homie?!  
But yeah, this is my way of coping after rewatching
> 
> Songs I recommend to listen while reading:
> 
> You said you'd grow old with me -Michael Schultz  
Never Enough -  
All I want -Enna Bale  
Stay -Miley Cyrus  
When I look at you -Miley Cyrus
> 
> lmk if theres a song that reminded you of this, i need a new sad song to cry to


End file.
